How to deal with the Online classes of Schools

Since the schools have started their classes online, parents are facing a lot of difficulties. This article aims at addressing a few of them.


1. Students are watching screens beyond the recommended time

How to deal with this- Explain to children how excessive screen time is harmful to the brain. It increases stimulation threshold, leading to other activities appearing boring, reduces focus and concentration, disrupts the sleep cycle, leads to inactivity and therefore loss of muscle mass, eventually leading to restlessness, body pain and obesity, and increases chances of depression.
The school classroom time is the ALLOWED screen time, and not additional screen time. Their games, TV, YouTube etc is the additional screen time.


2. Children are not cooperating: 

How to deal with this: Online classes are a temporary arrangement we have accepted because we don't want to send children to the schools, which would be dangerous at this point. The online classes are a makeshift arrangement which is inconvenient but apparently the best and feasible option. There's a price to pay for it, and we can refuse it, or take it. We have to choose what's best for the child right now. If this means getting the child additional devices for a few months, do it with the agreement they won't overshoot the recommended screen time. Involve them in the decision process and help them be self-responsible by asking them to monitor their own screen time. It's not an overnight process for sure. If you think your child is irritable, not acting responsibly, has excessive screen usage and not cooperating, consult a trained therapist in your region who works with children and adolescents.

3. Its a hassle: 

How to deal with this- Of course the whole life is full of hassles. Do not talk negatively about the online classes in front of the children, they will be even less engaged in the classes. Focus on the positive aspects of it. Tell them it will be a lot of hassles initially but then they will get a hang of it, as when the first time they held a toothbrush in their hand, it was difficult, not anymore. This way they can master how to attend the classes soon. Ask the school's technical team on how to deal with certain technical issues. Practice beforehand by creating a 'practice classroom'. Spending some time in familiarising with the technical aspects will reduce a lot of hassles later. Ask the children to thank the teachers for their efforts and their friends for cooperation to maintain the decorum of the online class.


4. Can't focus: 

Recommended sleep duration in 24 hours
including day-time naps.
By American Academy of Sleep medicine

How to deal with this- Lack of focus is common and suggests overuse of screens elsewhere in more engaging content Eg. exciting games or videos. That's the culprit, not the online class. Also suggests sleep deprivation. Make sure your child gets the recommended sleep. Besides this, the reduced focus is natural when the teacher can't give them consequences as they aren't present physically. Boils down to self-responsibility.




5. The school isn't reducing the fees:

How to deal with this: It's natural to think that the school time has reduced, so they should decrease fees as their use of resources has reduced too. Imagine if your employer asks you to work from home, and then also reduces your pay, would you consider it completely fair? Your bills and expenses are constant and stable, and you still have to make the payments. The teachers are facing a lot of difficulties switching to the online mode, working overtime and keeping students engaged is an additional hassle. Cooperating with schools is an option and so is being hostile. We are the best judge what will make learning more effective. The hassles are not going to last forever hopefully will end in a few months.

Encourage your children to be self-responsible and adaptable at this point in time, and not crib and whine about the hassles. If you join them in the blame game, you are sowing seeds of externalizing problems, and they are more likely to blame situations for their failures in future instead of lack of effort, and possibly someday blame you too, unfairly. 



The author is a psychotherapist trained in Children and Adolescent issues and also trains mental health professionals on the same subject. He is also a founder of the CORE personal development program that runs in schools. 
www.coreforschools.com

Glamour and Suicide. Why are actors vulnerable to suicide, and what can they do about it?

Shocked and broken, surprised and worried. Sushant has left us with many emotions and unanswered questions. He’s neither the first nor the last one to do this, unfortunately. Hope this write-up helps some people in some way.

Disclaimer: This article isn’t a quick read, nor it is supposed to be. Suicide and self-harm are complex, and there is no one single ‘cause’ to it. The article isn’t a substitute for consulting a trained mental health professional or literature. 

People who engage in Suicide and self-harm, more often than not, have one of the types of depression or other disorders, strong traits or skill deficits that increase the chances of breaking down under stressors or to complete the act.

What are the factors within the Television and Film industry that contribute to the stress? 

(These are general factors in the industry, and do not refer to Sushant in any way)

Uncertainty: Imagine any actor who, on his/her way to the studio gets a call from the production house that he/she has been replaced, and no longer needs to report. That too in the mid of his series/movie! Besides uncertainty like this, there isn't a sure-shot formula, fixed time/effort after which you see success. Success itself is poorly defined. Payments don’t come in time, and you can’t be sure when you will get another project.

How to deal with this- Accept uncertainty as a part of life, whether in the industry or not. Develop resilience against it, by building practical, social, financial and emotional buffers. Remember, not everyone gets shattered by uncertainty, however badly they detest it. 

Unpredictable and disorganised industry: The industry being not so organized, there is no standard way or qualification to climb the hierarchy, unlike some other sectors. This leaves the actors confused and exhausted as often no amount of effort gets them the results. Learned helplessness ensues.

How to deal with this:  We can't get a guarantee about many things, if not all. The best thing is to accept ambiguity, and change strategies if one doesn’t work. Just because you don’t know of a strategy, doesn’t mean there isn’t one. Often times you will hit a dead end, and if you were on Google maps, what would it ask you to do? Speak to those who have seen more failures, also who have seen success in the industry. They have learnt ways to deal with setbacks.

Money: Money doesn’t come in regularly, usually, the contracts are for 90 days, and the payments come after that. Some production houses have a bad reputation for non-payments. Some actors believe they ‘must maintain a certain level of lifestyle, looks and clothes.’ Roller coaster earnings and steady expenditure can shake many off the track. 

How to deal with this: Don’t enter the acting field primarily to earn money. Just like you won’t expect nutrition from Pani Puri or Pizza, don’t expect steady and lots of money from the profession. Encash the fame you earned from acting to earn money elsewhere. Learn to deal with peer pressure. Remember no matter what you do, someone will still have a say on it. 

Internal conflicts: Many actors  (just like any other profession) have their goals clearly defined, and are ready to do whatever it takes. This can lead to situations where they are not valued for their art, but for their body. Eventually, they end up being unhappy trapped in moral and internal conflicts, as they berate themselves for compromising on their moral code, and their talent not being valued. Comparing self with others (almost always who seem to have more success) and self downing for that leads to feeling depressed.

How to deal with this: Remember while taking difficult choices, if you can’t sleep in peace with a choice you made, it may not be helpful in the long run. Take full responsibility for your choices and the prices you pay for them. Success is desirable, but it doesn't define your worth in any way. Nothing does. 

Humiliation: Budding actors, and co-artists, and practically everyone else is vulnerable to being humiliated in front of others by people in charge, as is true with every other profession. Though they have their own reasons contributing to it, including pressures, this doesn’t make it justified or fair. 

How to deal with this: If you stamped on a 2000 Rs. currency note, what would be the worth of it after such bad treatment? Same right? Humiliation has practical disadvantages, and sometimes-serious consequences, but doesn’t reduce your actual worth.

 “One must keep trying" trap: Many actors have fought with families, left homes, partners and chosen this profession, and they believe there is ‘no going back’. They have already invested a lot of time, effort and money into being where they are, and stopping at this point is considered ‘failure’. They might engage in this due to ‘Sunk cost fallacy’; continuing to invest in a costly affair, just because of previous investments, as they ‘go waste’ if they stopped investing further. We do this all the time, e.g. finish a costly meal just because we have paid for it, watch the full boring movie because we paid for it, continue to hold on to a toxic relationship because we invested a lot into it. 

How to deal with this: For making a rational decision, the only thing that needs to be focused on is the cost in future, consequences and utility of the current path. Taking a step back must not be considered as a failure, but a smart strategy to protect self from further damage. 

 Loneliness and unfairness: Lack of meaningful relationships, backstabbing, unfairness, exploitation, pretentiousness, and having to project an ‘I am perfect’ image, lack of genuineness, difficulty to trust others are a rule than rarity nowadays in many sectors.

How to deal with this: Learn from Cactus, it has adapted itself over millions of years, and hence thrives in minimum resources and harsh conditions. Doesn’t mean you have to be bitter to others with thorns, it means you learn to thrive in adversities.

Master skills like managing emotions, maintaining interpersonal relationships, networking, high frustration tolerance, assertiveness, crisis management, dealing with criticism and trolling, unfairness, problem-solving, and accepting yourself as Human. 

If you or anyone you know is going through tough times, has spoken of ending life, or has a passive wish to die, get them properly evaluated. The therapist and psychiatrist will help you develop a customized short term and a long term plan to deal with the adversities better. Professional help here is like having shock-ups on a bike, it doesn’t repair the road but can make the ride more comfortable. 

Dr Shishir Palsapure is a psychotherapist, has worked closely with many celebrities from various industries including the film and television. He is a trained CBT-REBT therapist, and a certified supervisor for psychologists, having trained thousands of them so far. He can be reached on shishir@coreforschools.com