Someone said something hurtful. Someone did something unfair. You got upset.
That's human. That's normal. That's not the problem.
The problem is that you're still upset — hours later, replaying the same scene, rehearsing the same argument, reliving the same sting. You carried a five-minute event into a full-day sentence. And for what? To prove — to yourself — that the other person was wrong?
They've moved on. You haven't.
Find the Thought That's Keeping You Stuck
Emotions don't just sustain themselves. A thought is feeding them. Ask yourself: What am I thinking right now that's keeping me in this loop?
Usually, it's some version of: "They shouldn't have said that. They must not have done that."
But here's the uncomfortable truth — people will behave the way they want, not the way you want. You can influence people. You cannot control them. The moment you demand that others act according to your script, you hand them the remote control to your emotions.
Constructive or Destructive? Sort It and Move On.
Not all criticism is created equal. Ask one honest question: Was it constructive or destructive?
If destructive — dismiss it. Not everyone who speaks deserves your attention. Some words are noise. Treat them that way.
If constructive — even if it was delivered poorly, even if the tone was wrong — ask yourself: What action, knowledge, skill, or resource do I need to change? Extract the lesson. Discard the packaging. And move forward.
Because the past is historical. It cannot be edited, rewritten, or undone. Ruminating over it is like staring at a closed door while the rest of your life waits in the next room.
The Leadership Test
Try this thought experiment. If you were the head of your country — leading a billion people — would you spend your entire day ruminating over one remark from one person? At that stature, such events would happen multiple times a day. You'd have no choice but to process, decide, and move on.
So why is the standard different now? It isn't. You're just not treating your time and peace with the respect they deserve.
The Bottom Line
Anything that costs you your mental health isn't worth it. Not the comment. Not the argument. Not the person. Nothing is worth renting that much space in your head for that long.
You got upset. Fine. Now stop choosing to stay there.
Dr Shishir Palsapure
Psychotherapist
