Though stress is growing for everyone, Gay men and women have a bit of more share. To begin with, they are perceived to be different from others. In reality, they are made of the same carbon, hydrogen and oxygen like everyone else. As they grow up they struggle with being accepted even more than other adolescents. It is like coffee struggling to be accepted into a tea drinking society. Then come the rejections, ridicule and put-downs for something they aren't responsible for, nor abnormal. Many try too hard to fit in.
With so many men/girls around but all look straight and unavailable, their helplessness grows. Their own gay partners are going through similar acceptance traps, operating through the adolescent brain and being promiscuous to compensate for the childhood rejections and a self-image of 'I'm unlovable'. Fragile relationships, alcohol and drug abuse are a result, followed by a pendulum swing from 'I don't want a relationship' to 'Im done with sex, I want something meaningful'. Just like a smoker quits hundreds of times, gay men delete Grindr.
Availability of sex is abundant...and they often meet amazing people. But then its too late. They are growing old, anxiety sets in. Committing to someone is like giving up on Pizzas for your new diet. Nothing fills up the loneliness, emptiness and lack of meaningful relationships.
The solution is not a single key. Accept yourself as a human being. Not a 'Gay man' or a 'Lesbian girl'. Invest in romantic and non-romantic relationships. Invest in activities where people aren't involved. eg. art, language etc. Treat Depression and anxiety as you'd treat Diabetes- With exercise, medicines and counselling. And yes, don't make sexuality a centre stage of your life. It is not your identity. You HAVE a specific orientation. It's like you HAVE an iPhone. You ARE NOT an iPhone.
Dr Shishir Palsapure MD MSc (Psy) is a Psychotherapist and CBT-RECBT expert. He has trained thousands of psychologists and psychiatrists on counselling.
Image: Wikipedia (Open source)
