Parenting is seldom easy, and you won't get a manual either. What may have worked once, may not always work. This makes parenting exceedingly challenging.
In the modern world, where children and adolescents are influenced by a variety of events, diverse sources of information and behavior of others, many parents find themselves increasingly helpless, even frustrated at times.
Many children just act without thinking of the consequences of their actions, on themselves and/or others.
Here is something that can help your child to understand how they can identify what is helpful and what's not eventually to prioritize actions.
As a fun activity, ask your child (best for ages 7-12) to get about 10 strips of paper, about one inch wide and 8 inches long. Ask them to write on one strip some of their actions or things they would like to do, e.g. 'watching TV/playing first and finishing school assignment later'. Keep a stapler ready.
Now ask them what will happen if he/she does this and to write the consequence on another strip. Make a loop of the first strip by stapling the ends, and pass the second strip through this one and staple the ends.
This will look like a chain. Ask them the consequence of what’s written on the second strip, and so on till they run out of ideas. Then ask them to write down 'Finishing school assignment first and then watching TV/playing'. Make a separate chain.
Compare both the chains by holding them, and ask which one has a more desirable final outcome.
Also, mention that one of the chains has some effort to be put in first, and hold the enjoyment for later, but is helpful in the longer run. Dr. Ann Vernon, President of the Albert Ellis Institute, USA who developed this activity originally says children lack certain cognitive skills as they grow up, and these can significantly impact their behavior.
If you do this instead of yelling at them, you can make them think, build rapport, and teach them a new skill of consequential thinking without they knowing what you just tried. This activity also gives them a choice instead of being told what to do, and as they grow up, they can learn to use this learning in a variety of contexts.
Afterall you can't do 'Drone parenting' and can't decide for them all the time in their life.
Dr. Shishir Palsapure MD MSc (Psy)
Psychotherapist, founder of
CORE preventive emotional
education program for schools
www.coreforschools.com
